fuckd up life, never goin back...
In the past few days I've learned how life can fuck itself up so fast. How saying one thing can make life hell. As of right now, I do not have a cell phone, I do not have my laptop, nor do I have my ATM card. My mother has taken all of this stuff away, and is bitching at me for lying and all this other stuff. You know what, now I'm just going to say fuck it, because really I don't care. Yeah, those are things I really want, but yeah I can obvisoly live without them. She took material things away from me, what I can take away from her is her relationship with me, her only daughter. She will not be seeing me, she wont know where I am, and she will have no way to get ahold of me other then calling my fathers house to talk to me, if I'm home. I will not go over to her house even if she does tell me I "have" to, because really I do not have to. She told me, and my father has also told me that it IS my decision where I stay, if it's with my mother or father. I am old enough to make the decision on where I want to be, and she doing all of this just ruined one of the best relationships we've ever been able to have as mother and daughter. For awhile after she fucked our family up, I did not want anything to do with her. She screwed everything up for me and I hated her for it. She cheated on my dad, she lied to him and me and my brothers, and she ran off and got married to someone that I knew for maybe a month. It sucks a lot to look back on all the family crap I've been put through because of her. And, through all of it I have not forgiven her at all for it, but I've learned to live with it. I've learned to live with how she always gets rude to me sometimes, and how I have to fight back, and after that she apoligizes and I get bribed with something, and I take it. Then this whole process starts again. Really, I am sick of it. And if this is how I'm going to be treated then I do not need to be around it. I don't have to live with my mom, I'm okay living with my dad. I don't think if you asked me if I was okay living with my dad 2 months okay I would have said okay, because 2 months ago I got whatever I wanted from my mom, and I could do whatever I wanted, and she was really nice to me. Who would want to give that up? Even if they did know it was all fake, that sooner or later she was going to rage against me and get angry, or take my computer and hack onto it to read my conversations, or read my text messages (which has been happening before school ended, I'm not stupid. It's the truth, Thanks for invading my privacy, I knew you never trusted me, but it doesn't matter, I never trusted you.) I'm sick and tired of all the shit that I've been put through, and yeah I know, I've done some stupid stuff in the past, but you know what, it's time for me to say goodbye and move on to a better life for myself. Even if it is living with my dad. My dad isn't fake like she can be, this cycle of nice/angry isn't how it's supposed to happen, and even if it does mean, leaving my moms house and going to live with my dad, then that's whats going to happen. I would like to get my laptop back before that though, just so that I could get all the work I've done with digital pictures, and maybe even get to keep MY laptop that was a gift for MY birthday back. She can keep the cell phone, I don't need it. It's just one less way that she can't get ahold of me. From now on, I'm going to do what's best for my life, not hers. And in this upcomming week when she needs someone to watch the boys, shes out of luck thinking I'll be there. I will not accept any bribes anymore. If she apoligizes, great, I still wont go stay home and watch them for her. This relationship we had now is at its turning point, it has been ruined. And I hope she's reading this too, which I bet she is, because I hope it hits her hard, and she relizes that what happened in the past days, really changed life. It's fucked up once again.