you were the one thing I thought I could hold onto
I really never find the time to update this anymore. I don't know why, it's not that im overly busy, it's just there's nothing left to really write about anymore. There's only 10 days left of summer, and I already know people who are back in school. I think that this year of highschool will be one of the easiest. I thought they always said that Sophomore year is the hardest, well I all ready have that one done. I'm taking easy classes this year, and I don't think I'll have any problems, which will be good figuring that I start work in 3 days, on the 31st. Well, atleast I start training.
Things have been doing better latley with my mom. I mean we aren't really talking, but I mean it's not bad. I don't really know how to describe it. Atleast it's not as bad. Even though I don't have any of my stuff back which makes me even more angry.
Things otherwise are doing okay. Other then the fact that I am screwed up between feelings for one thing or another. It's so hard for me to know what to feel about someone when I know they don't feel the same. And maybe if they do they wouldn't tell me in fear of getting hurt more. I hate this thing we call love, it hurts you so much. I'm torn between the feeling of how much I love this person, to how much I know it can't be. We spend time together, we act like we're together, and I love it because I love having him there with me as my security. I get some confused on how to feel. I feel forced into some things though, but I can't get around them. I'm not strong enough to just constantly say no to him. I hate the fact that I can't stand up for myself because I feel that I cant. But I love him. He's the one I can always turn to when I need something, but last time I got this attached to him I ended up losing everyone else around me. Which brings me to Alexa's diary. I know exactly how she feels, and I know it's one of the toughest things to have to get through. If I look back a few months, what she is describing is me. I was like that, I felt that the only person I could run to was him, and with him we were over. Then, because I gave up all my friends for him I was stuck with nothing but myself to keep me company. It was the worst thing I ever went through, but it has taught me a lot. It taught me never to put a guy before your real friends, and really how special they are. I was lucky, I got some of my friends back, which probibly wouldn't of happened if I didn't admit to all the bad stuff I had done, which I knew I had so I had to admit to it. It's just, all I have to say to Alexa is that it will all get better with time. Right now it's so hard and you just want to give up, but trust me keep on going and eventually something good will happen. It's rough. Trust me, I know. But in the end everything will be okay, you'll see who your true friends are.
Speaking of friends I really do miss Allison. She comes back today or tomorrow but man we have to hang out because it's been a really long time! We were supposed to see a movie last week but it got inturped with other plans we both had, but it's okay, when she gets back the party will be started. I hope she's having a good time at her family reuinion in Ohio though.
There's nothing more to say. I'm all talked out.