glrrrrrrrrrrr
I have too many strong feelings right now. I broke down tonight, and it was horrible. We were at Peters house, grant & kyle too. They were in the other room watching Seinfeld. Peter and I were laying in his bed under all the blankets. He kept trying to kiss me and there was no way I was letting him. I didnt want to kiss him, he didnt desirve it. he was being so rude to me the past 2 days and i didnt want to give in. I didnt, for awhile. He talked to me. He called me beautiful. He told me I was strong and that I could make it. He told me that I need to focus on what I want. He told me not to let anything around me get me down. He told me to stay strong, that he believes in me.
I wish with all that I can that I could sit there and take it all in and just do it. Be strong, not let things bother me, get over my parents divorce, get over him lying to me, get over everything. but for some ungodly reason i cant get over any of it. i cant. i hold grudges and it sucks. I wish that i could get over everything, just let it all slide. but i cant.
i started writing in a journal, peter inspired this. he told me he wrote one all last summer about how emily didnt like him like he liked her. and trust me that was hard on the ears to hear.i mean, my peter, like someone else, my peter? its horrid. i cant even describe the feeling in my stomach that i got. he tells me he knows her now and doesnt like her, that shes stupid. but yet he stil talks with her often. thats like me saying jimmy stupid, but yet i would never talk to him in a million years.
I wish love was easy. I wish it was true and never lied. I wish the love peter and i have was still as awesome as it was back in the 8th grade when we first kissed. im a hopless romantic i guess. i wish so many thing. ill stop now. this is geting stupid. im geting upset. im not sure what to do.
he told me next week were going to take pictures. i cant help but say that im excited.